GEBKivistik

What is the fucking point? After a while duty is no longer enough.

Betray their trust.

I always understood this but somehow it seems more immediate, more real tonight. I don't know why. Maybe the denial of self indulgence leads to a moment of clarity. Of course, the devil says that what love there may have been is long gone, what remains is duty and obligation and resignation; all of which are the antithesis of love, and in the absence of love, is there a trust to betray? And it never went anywhere (tonight) so no harm no foul; and you can always lie about it anyway and who's to know, notwithstanding your congenital inability to pass bullshit as filet mignon, and in the meantime there's blandishments via cell phone and on and on it goes ....

I could have had the drunk married blonde; I wanted the sober single brunette; but settled for (metaphorically, for the moment at least; the night is young and there's five beers in the fridge on top of seven shots of tequila and there is that special dvd on the bottom of the spindle that you hope TSA will never take too close a look at) jacking off in my hotel room.

Things I learned and/or remembered tonight: [1] refusing to sign a prenup is a turn on. [2] Moral victories are neither.

Brought to you by Bud Light Golden Wheat: The beer for drinking and driving at high rates of speed through Cow Country.

XX: depression, alcoholism, self pity, martyr complex, delusional thought processes.
XY: Lifelong irresponsibility, sociopath, probable Asbergers, incipient Alzheimers.

I am so glad I contributed to the gene pool. You can thank me later in the event I hit the Mendelian lottery; otherwise eat it - I did no worse than anyone else.

You know that if I am gone tomorrow it will be my last best gift to the world at large.

to a man that is starving.

i had a dream about you last night.
it was as if half a lifetime had not gone by.
we talked and walked and took a ride.
listened to our favorite songs
hoping to run off what made you sad.
i'm sorry i could not come to your wedding.

Resentment is so much more satisfying when it is uncontaminated by guilt.

is not my friend.